People-Pleasing Is Identity Theft: The Cross as Verb, Not Jewellery
People-Pleasing Is Identity Theft: The Necklace, the Cross, and Galatians 1:10
Say someone is facing a simple question: which necklace to wear. A cross or a pirate coin. But underneath it, the real question: which version of themselves are they allowed to be today?
The cross says "religious, serious, held to a standard." The coin says "relaxed, chilled, no expectations." Both are costumes. Both are performances. Both are you managing how people see you. The question underneath both is: can I just be me without explaining myself?
"I am not trying to win the approval of human beings, but of God. If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ (Greek: Χριστός, Christos, “anointed, the Messiah”)" (Galatians 1:10).
People-pleasing is identity theft. Every time you adjust who you are based on who's watching, you hand them the pen and let them write your name.
Paul had the same problem before Jesus. Top Pharisee. Best resume. "Circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews" (Philippians 3:5). His entire identity was built on what others thought of him. Then he met Jesus and wrote: "I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ" (Philippians 3:8). He traded every external identity marker for one internal one. And once he had that, he couldn't be moved.
Jesus Didn't Wear a Cross. He Carried One.
The cross became jewelry centuries later when it was safe to be Christian. When the empire that killed him adopted him as their mascot. When the cross stopped costing anything.
For Jesus it wasn't a symbol. It was the method of his execution. It would be like wearing a miniature electric chair around your neck. Paul never wore one. Peter never wore one. None of the apostles did.
Jesus said "whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me" (Matthew 16:24). He said carry it, not display it.
What "Deny Yourself" Actually Means
It's not "hate yourself" or "suppress your personality" or "become boring."
Look at when Jesus said it. Peter had just said "you will never go to the cross." Peter was saying: protect yourself, skip the pain, save your life. Jesus rebuked him and immediately said: "Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it" (Matthew 16:25).
Deny yourself means deny the voice that says "protect yourself at all costs."
It's the voice that says don't apologise, you'll look weak. Don't forgive, they don't deserve it. Don't be vulnerable, you'll get hurt. Don't speak up, people will judge. Keep your walls up. Save your life.
That voice sounds like wisdom. But Jesus called it the same thing he called Peter's advice: Satan's voice. Because it's the same pitch every time: avoid the cross, take the shortcut, self-preservation above everything.
Carrying a Cross Is a Verb
Carrying a cross means choosing the harder right over the easier wrong when nobody's watching. Forgiving someone who doesn't deserve it. Being honest when a lie would protect you. Staying when leaving would be easier.
The guy wearing a gold cross who gossips and judges isn't carrying anything. The guy wearing a pirate coin who quietly forgives and asks real questions at midnight is carrying a cross and doesn't even know it.
Self-preservation is a cage. You spend your whole life protecting yourself from pain, rejection, failure, from being truly seen, and at the end you're "safe" but alone inside walls you built yourself. You saved your life and lost it at the same time. Exactly what Jesus said would happen.
The opposite: you stop protecting. You get hurt. You forgive anyway. You fail. You get back up. You tell the truth and it costs you. And somewhere in the middle of all that losing, you find something that can't be taken from you.
That's the life you find by stopping the desperate effort to save the one you have.
Sources
Galatians 1:10 (not trying to win human approval). Philippians 3:5-8 (credentials as garbage). Matthew 16:23-25 (get behind me Satan, deny yourself, take up cross). Matthew 11:19 (Jesus called glutton and drunkard). Luke 7:34 (friend of tax collectors and sinners). Romans 8:15 (spirit of adoption, not fear). 2 Timothy 1:7 (spirit of power, love, and self-discipline, not fear).